OOF! FF tier, the lowest you can get for the Glitz Pit. But really, it’s not hard to see why. For 7 BP, Mario gets a permanent Spite status (basically, attackers take half damage dealt to Mario on direct attacks). Notice how I said “direct attacks”. This status, honestly, is bad, and that makes Return Postage even worse. It can be used against normal enemies to some effect since most have direct attacks, but since Return Postage is the reward you get for completing the Pit of 100 Trials, the only true way to utilize it very effectively is to complete it pre-Chapter 3 and try and utilize it as you go through the game. Now, for challenge runners completing the Pit pre-Chapter 3 is pretty easy, but it’s still not worth it as the reward for completing the Pit when enemies deal pretty mediocre damage until Chapter 6, so you’re at best dealing 2-4 damage back to enemies and bosses…if it even activates. I said that Spite is bad, and that’s because it only affects direct attacks. Any projectile or magic attack is automatically unaffected, but check out what else isn’t affected:

 

…and more! As you can see, most late-game bosses just don’t care about the Spite Status, even if their moves technically make contact. Still, this badge can be put to use against bosses that do inflict direct damage; let’s get to the strat!

 

 

 

T1: Double Dip (Point Swap Goombella, Power Punch), Veil

T2: Can’t move due to Veil *Guard Bite, Superguard Kammy attack if it targets Mario

T3: Power Bounce Kammy (5 bounces) [KO], Multibonk Bowser (6 bonks)[KO]

 

This strategy is pretty wild, so let’s dive in. First off, check out all that BP. We could get away with less BP if we had more Mario HP, but the big problem there is that the more turns we let the fight go on, the more chances Kammy has to ruin our strategy with her magic. So, we need to finish this by Turn 2 or 3. I wanted to really make use of Return Postage, so I decided on a Turn 3 finish because of Bowser’s AI. More on that later. Bowser has 70 HP, 7 ATK, and 2 DEF. He’s a tough one. Kammy’s got 50 HP, 5 ATK, and 0 DEF, so basically, a souped-up Magikoopa that has access to basically all of their magic at the same time. Yeah, she’s a real pain.

 

Okay, so the big problem to solve here is dealing significant damage to Bowser because 2 DEF goes a long way in reducing damage. To take out both on Turn 3, we’re gonna need some damage. The classic Double Dipping Point Swap will work well, and let’s abuse Return Postage and Double Pain to get Mario into Peril, so we’ll Point Swap our partner. We could use Yoshi, but he needs more ATK to achieve the same damage Goombella can and there’s no way Stampede is taking out both of them unless we invest into way more BP, so let’s use Goombella. Because we’re Point Swapping Goombella, let’s have her take on Bowser since we can include a Power Punch in that Double Dip for a free +2 to ATK. With the above badges, Goombella’s base is 3 – the 2 DEF = 1 + 9 from Mega Rush & two Power Rushes, 1 from P-Up D-Down P, and the +2 from Power Punch gives a whopping 13 ATK. Nice. Mario’s got it a little easier since he’s dealing with Kammy. He’s at 3 + 2 from Jumpman and P-Up D-Down, and 7 from Mega Rush + Power Rush. That gives him 12 ATK total. Alright, we’ve got the damage we need to take on both. let’s get into the fight!

 

 

Turn 1 is setup. To understand why I’m using Veil, let’s look at Bowser’s AI. Bowser has 3 attacks: Fire Breath, Bite, and Stomp. He will use those three attacks in order as long as he suffers no recoil damage. Fire Breath is a ranged move, making it impossible for him to take recoil, and he always uses it Turn 1. Turn 2 he’ll be using Bite, which is a move that, luckily, is affected by Return Postage! So, Turn 1 we prep Goombella with Double Dip, and swap her out for Vivian and use Veil. We’re now at 4 FP because Veil is 1 FP.

Turn 2, we come out of Veil. The way Veil works is that Mario loses his next turn. So, if you use Veil Turn 1 without moving Mario, Mario can move Turn 2, but Vivian cannot. If Mario moves Turn 1 and then Vivian uses Veil, Mario & Vivian can’t move Turn 2. Because of this, there’s literally nothing we can do Turn 2 except take Bowser & Kammy’s attacks. Now, I want to be clear on something — this strategy can be foiled if Kammy…

She does have a chance of using any of those things on Turn 2. She can also buff her or Bowser’s ATK, but because Bowser goes first, this is of no concern to us. If she does use any of what is listed above, you’ll simply need to reset. Given how many strategies I’ve created thus far that crush Grodus into the ground, it shouldn’t be hard getting back to this point. In fact, this badge setup deals with Grodus quite well — it’d be an easy 1-2 Turn fight as long as you bring an extra Point Swap and a Fire Flower to that fight. Anyway, enough about Grodus, let’s get back to this fight; Bowser will always Bite Turn 2 due to how his AI works. So, he’ll Bite Mario and we guard it since we’re taking 8 damage right now with P-Up D-Down equipped. Guarding brings it down to 7, which is doubled to 14, bringing Mario down to Peril. Bowser takes 7 damage from Return Postage because Return Postage comes after Double Pain is applied to the damage. It’s a nice perk of the badge. Now, Kammy either buffs ATK or attacks. If she attacks Vivian, it’s whatever, but if she attacks Mario, we need to superguard. I always love having some superguarding in strategies, so this is welcome.

 

Turn 3, we go in for the kill. Mario Power Bounces Kammy for an exact 50 damage with 5 bounces (12 + 11 + 10 + 9 + 8). We’re now at 1 FP because Power Bounce is 3 FP and we’ve had 4 since Turn 1’s Veil. We swap to Goombella, and Multibonk 6 times. Bowser has 70 HP, but after Return Postage he’s at 63, and Multibonk right now does a perfect 63 damage (13 + 12 + 11 + 10 + 9 + 8). With two Flower Saver P badges, Multibonk is 1 FP. Both are KO’d Turn 3. Perfect damage, perfect FP use, and with Return Postage! Does it get any better than this? Yes, but is it flashier? Absolutely not!

 

I want to point out that a different strategy with Mario locking Bowser into Bite with Return Postage (because he’ll always take recoil, and thus never move onto Stomp) is also a really cool way to utilize Return Postage, but you could also just use Zap Tap. At the end of the day, Return Postage is just a terrible badge when it comes to normal combat, but it’s really, really fun to use, and that’s something I actually really appreciate about the badge. If you’d like to see more Return Postage use, check out my Return to Sender run on YouTube, where I played through the game casually with Return Postage after beating 10 HP No Mega Rush P Pre-Hooktail Pit. It’s a good time.

 

I’ll be taking suggestions again for the next one, so be on the lookout for that Tweet/Post!

 

Just Sayin’